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“SOMETIMES I SAY STUPID STUFF LIKE “I DO””
“WINE DOESN’T MAKE YOU FAT. IT MAKES YOU LEAN…AGAINST TABLES, CHAIRS, WALLS, AND UGLY PEOPLE”
“WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS. ADD VODKA”
“THE BEST THERAPIST HAS FUR AND FOUR LEGS”
“THE FIRST RULE OF PARENTING: NEVER NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS”
“LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, I GIVE BIRTH, RAISE KIDS, WORK AND COOK, AND I’M THE WEAKER SEX?”
“A RAW FOOD DIET? YOU MEAN LIKE COOKIE DOUGH?”
“I DON’T SEE THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR FULL, I JUST WANT A REFILL.”
“NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DIET. JUST EAT YOUR SALAD AND BE SAD.”
“IT’S NOT DRINKING ALONE IF THE DOG’S HOME.”
