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“DRINK COFFEE DO STUPID THINGS FASTER WITH MORE ENERGY”
“GUESS WHAT MOM, I FINALLY GOT MARRIED!”
“I’M GOING TO HELL IN EVERY RELIGION”
“IF I CANT BE A GOOD EXAMPLE, I’LL JUST HAVE TO BE A TERRIBLE WARNING.”
“MY FANTASY IS TO HAVE TWO MEN AT ONCE. ONE COOKING. ONE CLEANING.”
“I’M STILL HOT, IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES NOW”
“SOME CALL IT BITCHING. I CALL IT MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKING.”
“DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT I’M ALWAYS RIGHT?”
“NEVER LAUGH LAUGH AT YOUR HUSBAND’S CHOICES. YOU’RE ONE OF THEM.”
“I CHILD-PROOFED MY HOUSE BUT THEY STILL GET IN.”
“RAISIN COOKIES THAT LOOK LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE THE REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES”
“I ONLY HAVE A KITCHEN BECAUSE IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE”
